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Where did the story start?

In 2005 I lost my Mum to cancer after a very brief and difficult battle. My whole world fell apart, and in the months that followed I tried to come to terms with the loss. She was my bench mark, the voice in my head, my teacher, my guide and my friend.

Nothing I read or heard ever helped me to make sense of the huge hole the loss left in my soul or my family. In the days and weeks that followed her passing, I read many self-help style books about dealing with loss or bereavement or the aftermath of cancer, but none of them really comforted me.

People had mentioned the idea that bereavement counselors will sometimes advise you to write a letter to your loved one to help you express the intense feelings you are experiencing. So I started to write letters to my Mum, and I would tell her how I was feeling and the news of what had been happening while she was away. But somehow it felt a bit one sided, like a self-absorbed conversation where you never once ask the other person how they are, and I didn't like it one bit! Here was me writing about what I was going through, but I had no way of knowing how things were for her.

So one day, I sat down with my pen in hand and thought, what would she write and tell me if she could write home? What would her answers be to my questions? And what came out was "Conversations with my Mother".